Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
