Can Purell be used as lube?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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