I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize