Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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