I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
