i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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