My balls are so social today.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
