He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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