He kissed a someone with a penis
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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