I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
