literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
