Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
im on a boat
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