guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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