HIV tests are more positive than that guy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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