Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
