He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
