Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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