I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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