I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
