Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
