Sry I called you an 8
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
