my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
