No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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