just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
