Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
