When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
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