i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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