I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
