if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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