planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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