I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
