you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I love you.
Bad choice
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