I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
