Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
