I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
