Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
