I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize