I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I can text with my tongue
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
