At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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