I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
