I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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