You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
