yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
