Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
