There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
