Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
