Mattress luging...It's a long story.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
