: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Say something about gay babies.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
