I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
