I just saw a hot homeless man
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize