don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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