I'm gonna have a badass scar
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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