I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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