i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
