A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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