This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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