I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
