I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
