Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
