when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
