at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize