Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
