There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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