Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
