If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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