well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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