There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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