I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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