Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
