i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
