mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize