we have officially lost it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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