Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
