The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
