Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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