Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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