He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
