woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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